Posted on June 9, 2010 | Category: ODI
Chapter 1
Once Upon a Time in Pakistan…
I see PAKISTAN have lifted its ban on Younus Khan. The former Pakistan captain and leading batsman was banned a few months back, following his heinous attack on Mohammad Yousuf, where Younus viciously thrust his back into the unsuspecting Mohammad Yousuf’s knife (The PCB also claimed that form was an issue, with Younus having gone two whole Test matches without a triple century).
When it comes to dishing out punishments to their players, the PCB don’t discriminate. Perpetrators, victims, innocent bystanders, it doesn’t matter. All are deemed equally guilty and all are brutally punished and cast off into exile… until the team starts losing they’re desperately needed back again.
Shaid Afridi, the man who currently holds the poison challis that is the Pakistan captaincy – though that’s being reviewed on an over-by-over basis – is keen to see Younus back in the Test side, but stressed that that keenness does not extend to the One Day side for the upcoming Asia Cup. Ah, Pakistan cricket. Always out of the frying pan and into a different frying pan.
Chapter 2
Fakepolitik
I see SRI LANKA are blocking John Howard’s nomination for Vice President of the ICC. Sri Lanka’s pretence, sorry, reason, is that the position should be given to a “cricket person”, rather than a politician. Yes, that’s right, Sri Lanka are advocating that cricket and politics should be kept separate. Now let’s see new chief selector Aravinda de Silva name the Asia Cup squad while the Minister of Sport drinks a glass of water.
Sanath Jayasuria won’t make the side on current form, but he might make the side on 1998 form, which is what is usually used in his case. In completely unrelated news, Jayasuria is now a member of parliament, having won a seat at the recent national election.
Chapter 3
The Private Hellatory of Jamie Siddions
I see BANGLADESH have been utterly annihilated, again, this time losing 10 wickets in a session to go down by two innings and 760 runs in the second Test of their series against England. And right after they’d looked so kind of, sort of, almost, nearly competitive in first game too. Needless to say, both the haters and the apologists were out in full force moments after the awards ceremony. “They should be stripped of Test status”, “No, they’re getting better”, “You’re wrong, they suck”, “No, you’re wrong”, “Takes one to know one”, “That doesn’t make sense”, etc.
Poor Jamie Siddons. If the meal between breakfast and lunch is “brunch”, then the place between purgatory and hell must be “coach of the Bangladesh Cricket Team”. Not quite in the numb limbo of purgatory (aka the county circuit), not quite in the searing hot agony of hell (aka the associate scene), but lost in the deep, dark, dank void that lies between hell and puragtory: Hellatory, aka The Asia Cup. “Free me or let me die!” he begs, but do the Gods answer his pitiful pleas? You’d better believe they don’t.
Interlude
”Goodbye, Rudi Tuesday”
I see Rudi Koertzen is calling it a day. The 61-year-old South African umpire this week announced that he’ll be retiring after the upcoming Pakistan vs. Australia Test Series in England in July. After a career spanning 106 Tests, 209 ODIs, and 7 LBW decisions, he’s certainly earned a happy farewell, and many Sri Lankans are certainly happy to farewell him, still seething over the time he gave Kumar Sangakkara out for 192 in Hobart. Oh well. So long Slow Death, thanks for the memories.
Chapter 4
The A- Team
I see INDIA were bundled out in the Tri Series in Zimbabwe, losing to Zimbabwe (of all teams) twice (of all amounts). When Tendulkar, Sehwag, Gambhir, Dhoni and Harbajhan are all left out, one suspects that India were fielding a second-string side (and when Murli Vijay is in, one knows it for certain. God, is it any wonder that no one cares about ODIs anymore?), but still. Not good.
Of course, India sending what was virtually an ‘A’ side to the Zimbabwe Tri Series had other ramifications. It weakened the actual India A side, who were off on a tour of England at the time. India A? Pfft, more like India A minus.
Chapter 5
Showdown at Dambulla Stadium
So India are out of form, Pakistan have selection problems, Sri Lanka are out of form and have selection problems, and Bangladesh are, well, Bangladesh. Yuvraj Singh has been dropped, Tendulkar is being rested, the PCB are making decisions not of the “knee-jerk” variety, Dilshan is the new Daniel Vettori, Salman Butt is the new Pakistan vice captain, the new Sri Lanka Minister of Sport has declared war on the SLC, and just when you thought things couldn’t possible get any more explosive, Shoaib Aktar is back.
And it’s all coming to a head on June 15th, when the respective paths of these four neighbouring nations will cross, as they meet to do battle at the Asia Cup 2010. Four teams, with nothing to gain but everything to lose, with the eyes of a whole subsection of a continent on them. Dreams will be dashed, captains will be sacked, inquires will be held. But from the carnage one side will rise, to claim the hyperbolic praise and the extreme-but-very-temporary adulation that goes with being the Champions of Asia.
ALL. HELL. IS. ABOUT. TO. BREAK. LOOSE.
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