Posted on February 7, 2010 | Category: Test
AUSTRALIA
Clinical year from the Penal Colonists. Started the year nicely with a brutal revenge killing of newly crowned and soon to be de-crowned world kings South Africa in South Africa, then quickly wiped the blade clean and continued on from there. Somehow lost the Ashes despite scoring more runs, taking more wickets, and basically outplaying England in all bar three sessions, but Shane Watson proved himself a Test opener, as did Nathan Hauritz as a front line spinner. You keep hearing that Australia are “rebuilding”, and while it’s true that they’re no longer the unbeatable juganaut of old, they’re still most professional, disciplined, well drilled team of the lot.
And the hungriest too, for they have already set their sights on their next revenge mission: The return clash in 2010/11 against their old foe…
ENGLAND
Terrific year from the Red Coats. Won the only series the care about, the Ashes, so by the by they’d have to be pretty satifised with how things went. And it was the newer boys - Stuart Broad, Graeme Swann and Jonathan Trott – who done gone won it for them. Yes, it would seem that England are ever so slowly putting together a decent side, piece by piece, one South African import at a time. This could be the start of something. It probably won’t be, but it could be.
But if they want to be number 1, and they probably don’t, they’ll have to get past…
INDIA
Great year from the Curry Munchers. Beat, nay, thrashed, nay, steamrolled both New Zealand away and Sri Lanka at home. Tendulkar celebrated 20 years of International cricket, Gambhir continued on his merry way, and hell, even Dravid made some runs. But it was Virender Sehwag, entering the third and what will be the greatest phase of his career with his demolition of Sri Lanka, who stole show. In his innings of 293 from 45 balls, he learnt that you don’t have to hit the ground running with a strike rate 120 from the first ball. You can start off at 110 and work your way up to 120. With this new found discipline, he’ll average in the 60s from here on out, and India might just be world champs.
They certainly won’t get much trouble from…
NEW ZEALAND
Underwhelming year from the Sheep Shaggers. Once again it was up to captain / interim coach / selector / strike bowler / star batsman / lead guitarist Daniel Vettori to singlehandedly hold the team together, scoring all the runs, taking all the wickets, and peeling all the oranges. In other New Zealand news, 2009 also saw Shane Bond’s triumphant return to and subsequent retirement from Test Cricket. He took 8 wickets in their first test against Pakistan, including a 5 for in the first innings, but they would prove to be his last; struck down with yet another injury, this one forcing him to announce his fifth and final retirement. New Zealand will miss him, just like they did during most of his career.
Without him they’ll even struggle to beat…
PAKISTAN
Frustrating year from the Ball Tamperers. A year of dropped catches and called-off matches. A year of brain lapses and batting collapses. A year of deposed captains and over-reactions. A year of ebbs and flows and selection woes, of elation, deflation, and endless frustration. A year of missed opportunities and pissed off communities. And a year snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Basically a typical year of Pakistan cricket.
Struggling to come up with another fluent segway, so let’s just move on to…
SRI LANKA
Disappointing year from the Tea Baggers. Briefly held the number 2 spot on the Test Rankings, but expressed absolutely no interest whatsoever in going for number 1. Played quite a bit of Test Cricket this year too, 11 matches in all (and it would have been 13 had they gone to England), and while the beat the Pakis, they stumbled on the big stage, India in India. They had four batsmen – Samaraweera (1234 runs at 72.58), Jayawardene (1194 @ 52.18), Dilshan (1097 @ 64.52), and Sangakkara (1083 @ 57.00) – in the top 6 for runs scored in 2009, but then India and South Africa only played six Test each, and England, who did play a lot of Tests, aren’t any good, so that kind of puts that little tidbit into perspective, doesn’t it?
But while they were disapointing and disapointed, they weren’t as much of a disapointment as…
SOUTH AFRICA
Regrettable year from the Spear Chuckers. After a massive 2008, in which Smith and Co destroyed all in their wake to stake their claim as the number 1 Test side, they came crashing back down to earth in what can only be described as the Cricket equivalent of premiership hangover. Lost at home to Australia, after holding that trophy for all of eleven minutes, and then managed only a 1-1 draw against England. Positively shocking!
And speaking of shocking…
WEST INDIES
Shocking year from the Sugarcane Chompers. Like an Oreo with monkey feces where the cream should be, or jewel encrusted Abbot and Costello bookends used to hold the Twilight series, or Return of the Jedi, The West Indies 2009 Test year had a good start and a good end, but a crappy, crappy middle. They started off well with a home series win against England, and ended encouragingly with a much-more-competitive-than-expected performance in Australia, but in between a travesty of a joke of a shambles of a catastrophe of a shambles ensued, beginning with a miserable two test series in England that nearly saw Chris Gayle swear off Test cricket for life, before reaching the absolute nadir with the mass players strike that resulted in a 2-0 series loss against…
Yes, you guessed it…
BANGLADESH
[Insert type of year here] from the [insert ethnic slur here]. [Say something about team here, something along the lines of oh, dear God, why are they still playing Test cricket? It’s been ten years and they’ve still getting thrashed. Ten years! Ten years, and what do they have to show for it? One win against a fourth string Zimbabwe side, two wins against a fifth string West Indies side, a few weather assisted draws, and a never ending slew of losses, most by an innings, some by an innings and ten wickets. And if something isn’t done about this it’ll be the same story again in another ten years. Honestly, they should merge with Pakistan. Pakladesh! Yeah, I know they fought a war or whatever to demerge, but come on guys, suck it up and take one for the team. The future of Test cricket is at stake here.]
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